We read people every day, and many times a day, usually as part of a casual and incoherent process. Reading people begins in the first second we come into contact with another person, through whatever means—even a muffled sound of footsteps at the other end of a hallway. It can come through visual contact; through voice or other sound; through a picture on television, the telephone, over the internet or in a newspaper; through touch or even through near physical contact, as in an elevator. It can also come through a secondary reading, when one person deliveries information to a second person about a third.
Usually, reading people is a fragmented and/or unconscious endeavor. When people take control of the process and make it conscious through focus and learning, it becomes markedly more coherent, and allows us to profit in major ways.
Some people may be genetically programmed to excel at reading people, just as some people excel at math or music. Some people have deep and genuine problems reading people at all. They may have genetic deficiencies in this area, as is seen in autism or Asperger's syndrome. For these people, the problem is usually not that they don't care about other people; it is that they may not be adequately wired for the task.
So how do we read people correctly? There are three steps. First, we need to notice and focus. This is difficult, since we screen out most of the data bombarding us every second, in order to function in daily life. Also, reading people can be done only partially by analyzing a person’s specific traits features, and actions. There are "cookbooks" on the market which supposedly tell us what certain factors mean. They are of uneven quality. An entire field of personality theory was has been dedicated to this end, so-called "trait theory." Traits have some value, especially as regards the human face, but beyond that they tend to lose power to enlighten and predict. Many traits and actions are relevant only in a specific social and event context, or a specific time and place.
Second, we must notice our immediate (first five or ten seconds at the most) impressions, since these are frequently, but not always, correct. These impressions must be compared to data we gather as time goes on. This is important, as people frequently rationalize away correct first impressions because of a need to reach a certain goal or maintain certain, usually positive, assumptions about the person they are observing.
Finally, we must mechanically go through a list of verbal and non-verbal elements, as described above. Every area must be noted, especially discrepancies and anomalies. "Joe is shaking hands and saying friendly things, but looking at me like a fox looks at a chicken. Something's not right here. . . ." Every element must be understood. Everything, at least in a naïve subject (e.g., not an actor, a businessperson, or a politician!), is a manifestation of some part of him or her, and can therefore teach us something. We must ask,"Why is this here?" It sounds extreme, but it's useful to note absolutely everything, from the specific things in a person’s house to the kind of shoes they wear, from the words they choose to the inflections in their voice. There are as many particulars to be aware of as there are specific elements in a person's life. Some may be irrelevant, and some may just provide low-level information. But some elements may just give us the answer to our questions.
Alternatively, we may learn we really don’t yet know, and must look further. If we are absolutely sure we know, we must review our assumed certainty; it may in fact be the sign of a blind spot that we must fill in if we’re going to see the other person accurately.
Reading people in the short to medium term is often right more often than not, if the observer knows the general kind of person he is observing, is skilled, and is free of blind spots as regards the particular subject.
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