Overview
Our first meeting generates an overall picture of the problem and the individuals involved. After this, some form of research may be necessary. I use both objective data and psychological understanding. The mission is to gather the information necessary for a reliable decision. We may also need to develop and/or implement a strategy for dealing with the person who you need to know better, so you can make an informed decision about how – or if – you want to proceed with the relationship. This is not psychotherapy: instead, it is a practical, cooperative venture between us. There may well be homework! Please note: it can be quite beneficial to meet at least once in person, even if a client’s home base is far away. A few hours spent together allows a far deeper understanding of the personalities involved, and can provide a firm basis for subsequently working together at a distance.

Time Frame
How many meetings will you need? That depends on the amount of work required to achieve your goals. That, in turn depends on individual circumstances – no two people, and no two problems, are alike. That said, about a third of my consultations take only an hour or two to answer a specific question, often because there is a clear red or yellow flag to the relationship in question. Another third require two to about six meetings. These are cases where the client has to generate significant data, or increase his or her own powers of observation and/or ability to report. These latter are skills in their own right. The final third of my cases are those in which there are complicating factors – situational, psychological, etc., which require that we proceed more slowly. While the goal is reached just as often, more support and care is necessary.

The Process
1. What I do My job is primarily to interpret and integrate the data, form it into usable information, and help us arrive at a conclusion about the best decision, and how to implement it. I then present it to the client for his or her endorsement, rejection, or modification. Associated with each recommendation is a level of probability, based on both my experience and on relevant background research, concerning the various options the client has. I must also understand if and when there is insufficient data, and if so, which kind(s) of data are needed. Then I must decide whether I, or the client, or the two of us together (or in rare cases a third expert party) can gather that data best. When gathered, this additional data will get us to the goal.

2. What you do The client is not passive in the process of answering his or her question. She or he must be willing to look objectively at the situation, often including the nature of her involvement with the person she is trying to understand. On the practical side, she must be willing to gather and transmit various kinds of data to me for analysis. This may include photographs, emails, websites, letters, audio or videotapes, or other material.

3. What we do together I've found that smart relationship consultation works best when it is a genuinely cooperative venture. The client and I must share data, ideas, materials, theories, approaches to understanding, and many other things. When time is short, we must communicate quickly, by various means. Often, I have to know the client’s style of thinking in order to see the situation as he does, as well as to correct for any blind spots. If all this sounds like a lot to do, well, sometimes it is! However, there may be no substitute for the client’s input at a number of levels if we want to make good decisions.

Costs
In-person meetings are billed at $150 per hour. Time spent reviewing materials is billed similarly. Payment is expected at the end of session. Billing is done in half hour increments. This allows us to have a brief initial chat, to see if it makes sense to proceed, at no cost to potential clients.